


Out x Of x My x Mind

by TheRedLotusFlower88



Category: Hunter X Hunter, 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Related, Crying Bakugou Katsuki, Crying Killua Zoldyck, Developing Friendships, EVERYTHING JUST FREAKING HURTS, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Therapy Talks, Emotional bonding, Family Issues, Gon Has His Nen, Hunter Killua Zoldyck, Hurt Bakugou Katsuki, Hurt Killua, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Insecurity, Introspection, M/M, Mending Relationships, Pro Hero Bakugou Katsuki, Pro Hero Midoriya Izuku, References to Depression, Regret, Sad Bakugou Katsuki, Sad Killua Zoldyck, Self-Hatred, Someone PLEASE save my dandelion haired boys, Suicidal Thoughts, past bullying, they aren't thinking straight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-11-01 22:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17876180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRedLotusFlower88/pseuds/TheRedLotusFlower88
Summary: It's been three years since Killua and Gon went their own ways. They haven't talked to each other since. Though Killua is doing the best he can for Alluka and himself, deep inside, he's still hurting from the loss of Gon. When he decides to a take mission that leads him back to Green Island, and not knowing if he's coming back or not, he hopes he can at least atone for things he's done in the past.Meanwhile, Katsuki and the others are pro heroes. Since the fight between him and Izuku, things have gotten a bit better, though still aren't sure where they stood as friends or not. With Izuku's popularity on the rise, Katsuki realizes he's made plenty of mistakes and demons he has yet to answer or face. So hopefully, with this task of defeating a villain somewhere in a place called Green Island, he hopes it'll give the courage he needs to face Izuku. If not, well, he doesn't want to think about it.A.K.A The relationship between these boys breaks the author's heart, so she'll break it even more by having these boys talk about the shit they went through in canon while facing certain death. Oh, and you better believe Gon and Izuku are pissed off about it.





	1. Chapter 1

"Are you sure you're going to be okay, Big Brother?" Alluka asked, pointedly staring at a certain white hair male. Said male simply shrugged his shoulders, and ruffled her hair, causing her to smile and giggle.

"I'll be fine, Alluka. Nothing's going to take me out." Killua said. Palm had settle a pot of tea down next to the younger girl and looked at the boy before her. _No,_ she thought. _Not boy. A man. Killua is now a man._ She really didn't know how she felt about that. To her, it seemed like Killua and Gon, especially Gon, had grown up way too fast; especially after the incident involving the Chimera Ants.

"Are you sure you don't need any help? What about Gon?" She asked, to which Killua aimed a sharp glare at her for. She knew Gon was a sensitive topic for him, but she couldn't help but probe, if only slightly.

"I said I'm fine. As for Gon...we haven't really spoke since the World Tree." When the two had went their separate ways. When Killua found something else he wanted to do, while Gon went on about his father. When he was given an apology that didn't really feel like an apology. When Gon turned and never looked back, when Killua first started to realize he had fallen in love with him after the first sign of heartbreak.

That had been three years ago.

Palm knew this.

"I'm just saying that this is a really dangerous mission. At least give Ikalgo a call and see if he can-"

"Ikalgo is busy running things underground. I don't want to disturb him." Killua said.

"Then what about-"

"Kurapika is still running after the Phantom Troupe, and if Leorio knew about this, not only will he insist on coming - no matter how useful he is or isn't - but he'll also throw a fit. Plus, should anything happen to him, who's going to run the hospital?" He joked, but neither Palm or Alluka smiled.

"If you're sure about this, I won't stop you. Just be careful, for Alluka's sake." _And mine_ is what she didn't say, but Killua could still read her loud and clear. He only gave her a nod and began heading out the door, pausing when he heard Alluka call out to him.

"Big brother....please make you sure come back." She said. It took a moment for Killua to say anything, having already said his piece with most of the people he'd met.

"Yeah. I will."

No he wasn't.

* * *

_Moments prior to the leading event....._

"Killua, are you sure you want to take this job? The criminal is quite dangerous and road to his hideout is filled with death traps. Not to mention he may have his subordinates watching, waiting for anyone who might come after him. They say that they don't have nen, but some kind of weird superpower that is just as strong as anyone with nen. And you're doing this solo." Palm had asked the moment Killua had gotten wind of the mission.

"Yeah. The pay's good, and with it, I could keep Alluka happy for a while."

"Don't you think she'll be happy with you?"

"Not anymore. Alluka doesn't need me hovering over her anymore."

Silence.

"And....what about Gon? You two still speak with each other right?"

"No, we lost contact after World Tree."

"But that was-"

"Two years ago, coming up on the third." Palm pressed her lips, not liking where this was going. She and Killua may have not liked each other from the start, and while yes, she did aim to kill him once upon a time ago, but now that Killua considers her his friend, they have perform some kind of a truce to each other. With Gon out of the picture currently, Palm stopped seeing Killua as her 'rival' and a 'stuck up brat', but someone she could depend on, because, in his own way, Killua cares. A lot.

Still a brat, however.

"Hey, Palm? Can you...promise me something?" Killua asked, his voice quieter than normal. Palm looked at him, a silent permission granted. "If...If I don't make it out alive, or if you haven't heard from me in two months, can you....can you take Alluka to Whale Island?"

Palm's eyes went wide.

"Killua, what are-"

"PLEASE?!" He shouted, stopping Palm in her tracks. Currently, Killua's face was overshadowed by his hair, but despite that, his body was trembling, hands balled by his side. "I...I'm asking you....because I know. When I had agreed to this, I knew there might be a chance...so I'm begging you," He looked at Palm with tears in his eyes. "Keep Alluka happy, if only for a short while."

Palm...had no answer to this. She open and closed her mouth a couple of times before nodding her head, watching as Killua fell apart - just like he did back when they were fighting after Palm was turned into a Chimera Ant.

* * *

Killua closed the door behind him, and heaved a sigh. Slowly opening his eyes, he looked ahead of his journey.

"This is it," He said. "I'm going back to Green Island." 


	2. Chapter 2

"And now, please give a warm welcome to our number one hero in Japan, Deku!"

Sounds of applause and cheers filled the air as Izuku came across the stage, looking quite bashful despite his new height and muscular body. In a way, Katsuki thought, staring at his once-called best friend and now proper rival, he's glad some things don't change. Izuku may be a hero now, quirk and all, but he was still a dork through and through.

A quiet snort left him just as the crowd settle down as Izuku began to speak.

"Thank you. It's always a pleasure being here. To be honest, I'm still quite shock at how I manage to climb the ladders so quickly, and to have everyone's support," Izuku said, a tiny nervous smile on his face as he scratched his cheek. "But, I'm glad that I do. And I'm glad you all believe in me too. It wasn't exactly easy for me, but-"

As Izuku continued to give his speech, Katsuki had found his mind wandering.

Yes, the road to being a hero hadn't been easy for Izuku. Diagnosed as being quirkless, Katsuki himself made sure to make Izuku's life a living hell and constantly put the boy down for having a dream that they were both chasing. Looking at it now, Katsuki hadn't been sure why he'd done it, but he knew he hates himself for it. He hated the way he treated Izuku when they were growing up, and even when they were in UA. And he knew nothing he said will ever change the bitter feelings he and Izuku had for each other.

He had apologize, of course. But he still felt awful, and though he and Izuku left on better terms - however little they are - he knows he doesn't have a place in Izuku's life anymore. The green haired hero is always so busy these days, they all were, but Katsuki knew that the rest of the class would try and meet up if they had time to spare. Katsuki never went when that happened, even though Kirishima has tried to convience him to go. He doubts anyone would miss him if he hadn't showed.

"Hey man," A voice next to him started, startling Katsuki from his thoughts. It was Kirishima. "You okay?"

Katsuki snorted.

"I'm just peachy. Just waiting for this dumb thing to be over with." He said, folding his arms and leaning on the balance beam of the stage. "Remind me again why we have to do this annually? Izuku hasn't moved from that number one spot in a year or so. Nothing's change."

"That may be the case, but we still have to show support for the rest of the heroes," Kirishima said. Then he started to grin. "Tooru has finally made it on the leader board. Coming in as the 12th top heroes. Aren't you proud?"

"Yeah. Real proud." Kirishima pouted, hearing the sarcasm dripping in Katsuki's voice. "Well, what about Jiro? Aren't you curious about her rank? Hint: it's a number after Tokoyami, who is 7th."

"Shitty hair, I really, really, don't care about the rest of these extras." It's a lie. After all this time, after having his ego bruised and pride wounded, Katsuki has recognized his classmates were all good people with very powerful quirks and deserve to be where they are. Nothing has made him happier than knowing that these people really were cut out to be heroes.

Except Mineta. Nobody ever talks about Mineta, which is a good thing.

"Aww, Bakubro, don't be like this! Especially with you, Midoriya, and Shouto being the top three to look out for!" Kirishima whined, then laughed when he heard Katsuki growl. "Anyway, I wanted to talk to you." There was a tiny frown on the redhead's face, eyes no longer sparkling with joy and happy-go-lucky. Immediately, Katsuki knew what it was. "It's about...that villain. In Green Island. Are you sure-"

"We've been over this. Yes, I'm sure I want to do it, and no, I'm not asking for help."

"But what if you get into trouble? At least ask for back up! It doesn't have to be me, you could ask Shouto or even Mid-" Kirishima stopped himself the moment Katsuki glared at him, sharp and a promise of death underlying the annoyance. "Okay, not him. But don't you think your classmates deserves to know you're going on a suicidal mission?"

"No."

"Bakugou, I thought we were over your stupid pride." Kirishima gritted his teeth, matching Katsuki's glare with his own. In all the times Katsuki had known him, there were only a few things that made Kirishima really, really ticked off: One, self-loathing (in which both Katsuki and Kaminari were guilty for), two, messing with his friends or anyone he's close to, and three, bad people in general. When he and Kaminari came out as a couple, a lot of people were in an uproar which, of course, was something Kaminari had feared and that in turn made Kirishima upset. It had calm down after a while, and eventually, no one bat an eyelash when they saw the number 6 and number 10 heroes together.

Katsuki was so glad to have such a good and caring friend like Kirishima (even though he hadn't been the first good and caring friend Katsuki had).

"This isn't about my pride."

"Then what is it?! What is it about this mission that you have to do it alone?!"

"It's personal, and I don't want to drag anyone down in my stupid mess. Not again." At that, Kirishima felt his anger melt away at the look on Katsuki's face. The number 2 hero looked as though he was on his last stand, his eyes full of wariness and understanding. It made the redhead shrivel up in fear, because Katsuki was _not_ the one to admit defeat. He had even said it during the teamwork phase with him and Deku working against All-Might: He would rather die fighting instead of running away.

Kirishima had no words.

Pulling himself away from the balance beam, Katsuki turned, shoulders brushing against his friend.

"I'm leaving tonight. Remember what I said: Don't try and stop me, don't tell anyone, and if you don't hear from me in about a year, you can assume that I'm dead. Also," Katsuki paused in his walking. "Tell Deku...no, tell Izuku that I said that I'm sorry. I'll say it as many times as I can to get him to believe me. And that, he always was the better hero between the two of us."

And with that, Katsuki walked away, the sound of cheering and applause entering the air as Izuku finished his speech following him.   


	3. Chapter 3

It was pretty awkward traveling by yourself, Killua realized. He has spent so much time with someone - Gon, Alluka, _friends -_ that going to a place on his own unnerved him, anxiety crawling through his veins, awakening his assassin's senses. Typically, that had always been the case with Killua; never letting his guard down, but now that he was alone, his paranoia skyrocketed. He allowed himself to take a deep breath to calm his nerves, and stared out the window on the plane he was currently on.

Green Island. That was the name he hasn't heard of in a long time, really.

A tiny frown appeared on his face, mind slowly clouding over the memories of that place.

Going to Green Island had been a curse and a blessing, a place that started it all for him. There, he had met some pretty interesting people, Bisky being one of them. She had been one of the few people that taught him and Gon how to use their nen so they were able to move forward in the game, teamed up when there had been a threat to the other players, and...and...

The frown deepen.

And had been the one to tell Killua exactly what he needed to hear. About Gon. And unexpectedly, about his family. Thinking about it made the assassin clench his fist and teeth, but Killua couldn't be too mad about it. Especially now, looking back, Bisky had been right.

He and Gon weren't good for each other.

Killua bit his lip.

Realizing that he had to leave Gon had hurt, and he had wanted to argue, to yell at Bisky for it, but...there was nothing he could've done. Not with the way he operates, and how Gon was so different from him, saw the world differently than him. It pained him, the message followed him throughout their time in Green Island, but in the end, Killua saw the results for himself. Gon was something that had never, truly, been his in the first place. Maybe Bisky had been trying to ease the blow she knew was coming.

Tears started to prick his eyes, but Killua quickly wiped them away.

It didn't really matter now, seeing how the last the time they were in contact with each other, they had been at World Tree. He has a feeling that Gon has moved on, went on some other adventures with his dad, and made more friends than Killua did. Probably taken some pretty girl out on a date, if he now knows what a date was.

He tries not to feel bitter about it.

* * *

The plane landed, and soon everyone was getting off. Killua moved through the crowd like water, paying no mind to everyone else as he went through all he knew about this criminal.

 _Apparently, their own strength - or maybe not? - is rival to that of someone with nen. They don't use nen, it looks like, so that just means they are working for someone who does. They are holding people hostages, not unlike the Genthru. No idea what their goals is, but they are forcing players to comply with their needs, whatever that may entitle. So far, only three people have been killed._ Killua's eyes narrowed.

He doesn't like the information given. There's not enough to make a conclusive bias about anything other than they might be some low-ranked criminal trying to hide from the real world. But even then, that still doesn't match why the website said they are strong, and might even get killed in the process. And with how much money they were willing to give, on the same scale as Mr. Battra when he needed to heal his wife, Killua doubts they were just lowly commoner thugs.

"Killua!" Breaking away from his thoughts, Killua looked up and saw Tsezgerra standing by, waving at him.

"Yo." He said and started walking towards him.

"It's so good to see you. I don't think I've seen you since the last time you were called to Green Island, actually," Tsezgerra said with a smile on his face. Killua grinned. "You've gotten tall. Not as tall as me, of course."

"Working out does that to you."

"Hmm. Where's Gon? I thought he'd be excited to fight." A tense silence soon followed, and Tsezgerra blinked when he saw a look on Killua's face he hasn't seen before. In all the time he'd known Killua, he has never seen him look so _gutted_ before, even when he's trying not to be. There's an overwhelming feeling of sadness and hurt rating off the white haired teen, and Tsezgerra was confused as to why.

"We split. Back at World Tree. We haven't kept contact with each other." Killua stated.

"Oh, I see," Tsezgerra said with a frown on his face. That was a shock. With how much Gon insisted on Killua doing everything with him, he would've thought the two couldn't go anywhere without the other. _Something must've happened,_ he thought, looking at Killua. _Something big, and apparently, one-sided._ "Anyway, what brings you here?"

"There was a mission on the hunter's website. About some criminal in Green Island keeping people hostages and taking their things." Killua said.

"And that brings you here?"

"The pay's good. I really need the money." _Plus, Gon would've wanted to help._ Killua quickly dismissed the thought.

"Well, it's a good thing you are here, because you aren't the only one who wants the job." Tsezgerra said, making Killua blink in shock. "And apparently, he has the same problem as the criminal - no nen. But he does seem to know a lot about him, so-"

"I'll work with them, then, if our goals are the same." _And to find out whether or not this guy is working with the target._ His facial expressions must've betrayed his thoughts, because Tsezgerra looked all the more relieved and nodded his head.

"Okay. Should warn you though, quite the mouth this guy has."

"Really? Can't be that bad."

_20 seconds later...._

"Oi, fuckface, you gonna let me help you or not?!" The blond-haired, red-eyed adult screamed, glaring at Tsezgerra. Killua could feel the air prickling with energy, though he couldn't trace a single ounce of aura anywhere from the man. Either he was really good at concealing his nen, or this guy was on the same level as the criminal. Which Killua wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad. "Oi, what the fuck are you looking at, snowflake?!"

Killua was going with bad.

(Good if this guy is as dumb as he looks). 


	4. Chapter 4

The two stared at each other, the atmosphere around them tensed. Both of them were on guard, it seemed, with how jaded their eyes looked and a thin line for lips pressed against each other.

"Now, now, Mr...." Tsezgerra started.

"The name's Bakugou Katsuki." The blond snarled, not taking his eyes on the kid in front of him. There was an energy around him that while it definitely didn't feel hostile (not yet), it still put Katsuki on edge and ready to attack if the teen did anything he didn't like.

"Right. Bakugou Katsuki, this is your partner, Killua Zoldyck. He's been to Green Island before, so-"

"What is it you're trying to gain from that place?" Killua asked, cutting Tsezgerra off. Tsezgerra frowned at the interruption, having to want to calm the two down, but if there's anything he knew about Killua, he knew that whenever he became suspicious of something - or someone - he's usually right.

"What I'm trying to gain is the same thing you're here, right? There's a villain, criminal, whatever the fuck you want to call him, in there and you want him out. I can help with that." Katsuki stated, deceitfully calm. Killua narrowed his eyes. _He's not lying,_ he thought. _I sense no hostility from him, nor is he bending the truth. So, why?_

"You do realize you need Nen, right? And I sense nothing from you." Killua said.

"Eh? The fuck is Nen?" Katsuki asked, causing Killua to sputter.

"Y-You idiot! You came all this way to help out, but you don't even know what Nen is?!"

"Watch who you calling an idiot, dandruff! My agency never told me anything about this fucking Nen business!"

"DANDRUFF?! That's rich coming from you, dandelion!"

"The fuck you said to me, brat?!"

"Better brat than an old man with bad hearing, it looks like!"

"I will fucking kill you!"

"I'd like to see you try!"

Tsezgerra could watch this go on forever, as he does find it somewhat humorous that no matter the age, Killua's sassy mouth still gets him into trouble (and this guy doesn't look that mature either). However, there were more important business to intend to, which-

"QUIET!" He shouted, startling Killua and Katsuki from their argument. "The more we argue, the more time is wasted on finding that criminal. For right now, let's put aside our differences and hostility and try to come up with a plan."

"Well, I _did_ say we should team up, but it'll be impossible if this guy doesn't have Nen to even enter the game." Killua said, pointing at Katsuki.

"And again, I ask, what the fuck is Nen?"

"Nen is the life force of your soul in which Hunters use in order to protect, find, or even locate certain things - whatever it is that a Hunter may be hunting." Tsezgerra said. "It's really important because some Nen users are hostile, and can even use their Nen on their unsuspected foe. If unprepared, you could easily die from the use of Hatsu."

"That is, to say, you probably won't see the attack coming because you don't have Nen." Killua said, making Katsuki frown. "Which is something I don't get. On the Hunter's webpage, it said that the criminal doesn't have nen either. How did he get into the game without it? Because I'm leaning on towards the fact that he had someone to help him," At that, Killua looked over at Katsuki, who bristled.

"Are you trying to say I'm working with the scumbag?!"

"It's logical, since you also don't have Nen. Or it's possibly that you're lying and want to set off a trap, whatever the case may be."

"For your misinformation, Snowflake," _And now it's back to being snowflake?! What is this guy's problem?!_ "Maybe I don't have this Nen shit or whatever, but that doesn't mean I'm working with the enemy! In fact, if he doesn't have Nen, then it only confirms what I was suspecting," Katsuki looked at the two. "He has a Quirk."

The two blinked.

"Quirk? You mean some sort habit people do?" Killua asked and Katsuki glared at him.

"No, I mean, like a superpower. You know what those are, right?" Katsuki mocked, causing Killua to grit his teeth. "Anyway, I don't know much about this Nen business, but if it's needed to get to Green Island, there's a possibility the villain either learned it or he has a quirk that allows him to enter the place without the use of Nen."

"Is that possible?" Killua asked, looking at Tsezgerra, who shrugged.

"I have no idea what Quirks are either, but if they work the same way Nen does, then it's possible that someone could posses such thing that they are able to get into the game." He said.

"I meant to ask, but why do you keep calling Green Island a game? It's a real place, isn't it?" Katsuki asked, folding his arms.

"Yes and no. Green Island is in fact a real place, but it's also a game that's based off on it. However, it is as what Killua had said  - in order to even get into the game, you need Nen. Which you don't have." Katsuki's eyebrow twitched.

"So you keep telling me."

"However, it is possible for you to learn it," Tsezgerra said, making both Killua and Katsuki look up at him. "I'm not a teacher, so I cannot teach you. But Killua here knows someone who can."

"Are you kidding? With the way everyone describes Nen, it might take years for him to catch up!" Killua protested.

"I'm not so sure, Killua. You and Gon were quick learners, and also accomplish some pretty hefty things in just a few days after learning Nen." Tsezgerra looked at Katsuki. "I look at you, and all I see is the same kid you two once were. That is, to say, Katsuki, you look like you're a quick learner too. All you need is a push in the right direction, and I'm sure Wing will be happy to give it to you."

"Seriously?" Killua grumbled while Katsuki looked smug.

"You're not wrong, old timer. I'm sure if you can teach me, I'll catch on quick."

"Do we even have the time for this? Like you said, every second spent here is another the criminal might hurt someone." Killua complained.

"Then you two better get started," With that, Tsezgerra walked away. "And try not to kill each other."

As the man started to leave, Killua and Katsuki looked at each other.

"I'm sure you know that this mission is suppose to be the end of us, right?"

"Yep."

"There's no turning back from this. No more whatever is you're doing currently, no more talking with friends."

"That's the plan."

Killua continued to give Katsuki a stare, which Katsuki gave right back. Sudden nostalgic washed over the teen, and he found himself turning away, both annoyed and in shock. _Just like him, huh? He was also stubborn about the things he wanted._ Looking back towards Katsuki, Killua gave him a smile which startled Katsuki.

"Okay. If you're sure about this."

Meanwhile, Katsuki was having nostalgia of his own.

 _Not quite bright like his smile,_ the blonde thought. _But just as beautiful._

"Of course I'm fucking sure." He smirked, holding out a hand. Killua blinked, momentarily confused, before grabbing, giving Katsuki a smirk of his own.

 _Not like him, but I can tell there's something about him that makes me think of him._ They both thought.     


	5. Chapter 5

Katsuki never expected to travel this much just for one job. Don't misunderstand, it's not like he hated traveling or whatever, it just that he thought the job he took would be over quick, fast, and in a hurry. The longer he prolongs the inevitable, the more he knows one of his friends - especially a certain green haired hero - might find out about it and try to stop him.

Katsuki felt his hands clench.

He doesn't want that to happen. He knows Izuku would follow him to ends of the earth if it meant keeping Katsuki safe and alive, but Katsuki doesn't want that. Not anymore. Not when it means someone else gets hurts in the process of trying to help him - be it from himself or a group of villains. Looking back on his days of becoming a pro hero, the blond is filled with enough guilt that his soul is no longer at peace, his dreams being disturbed by the weight of his actions during the past, and how they have affected the future.

He's happy for Izuku, really. If anyone deserves being a hero more, it'll be him.

But just because he knows now that Izuku deserves the prize more doesn't make up for the things he did when they were younger. It doesn't excuse the fact that Katsuki had been arrogant prick, and because of his arrogance, the people who did liked him (Izuku, Kirishima) suffered. Because of his natural talents, he had been the prime target for the side opposing him and everything he believed in as a hero. Because of who he is, All-Might is gone.

People will say it's not his fault, but Katsuki knows differently. Had he done something, _anything,_ there might've been a chance to save All-Might. He'd probably die in the process, but if he could've saved his favorite hero of all time (and not have Izuku look devastated by the lost), then he would've done it. Not being able to save All-Might is just one of many regrets he has.

He has so many things to answer to, to which he wasn't sure if he could answer. He wasn't sure if he could say anything to anyone without being all choked up, and dealing with the fact that no matter how many times he'd apologize, no matter how many times he begged for forgiveness, not everyone is willing to forgive. Not everyone is just going to let go of Katsuki's past and not remind him of all the things he's done. He knows Izuku isn't like that, but he always thought that out of everyone who shouldn't forgive him, it would've been the current number one hero. He suspects Izuku doesn't want to be by his side anymore, is willing to give up his childish dream of the two of them working together and becoming the best heroes they could be. He expects Izuku to move on, and finally settle down with someone other than him. Maybe that Melissa girl they had seen in America when they were in I-Island.

He expects many things of Izuku. Some of them he saw coming, others not so. And more than anything, Katsuki just wanted to say 'sorry', for all the shit he's done, for hurting Izuku, and probably the most important sorry of them all, was the fact that Katsuki never really planned on sticking around once Izuku made it and was distracted by hero things. It's a bit selfish, he knows that, but now that he knows Izuku is in fact better off without him, Katsuki will take his leave. There's nothing really tying them together at this point.

A sudden shift brought him back to reality, and he looked to his right, where Killua was seated by the window.

Katsuki really isn't sure what to make of Killua. From the beginning, he could tell that the teen was dangerous, but not in a malice kind of way. He's just as alert as Katsuki is, paying attention to even the smallest of details, but even so, you would never have known that, given the soft and curious expression on his face. He realizes it must've been some kind of lure, a trick to get people to let down their own guard so they'll never know what Killua could do. He's confident in his abilities, but not like Katsuki with his Quirk; he doesn't show them off.

In that aspect, Katsuki both admires and loathes him for it.

"Are you done staring?" Killua asked, glancing at Katsuki. Katsuki snorted.

"Fuck off, I was thinking to myself."

"Right. And you just so happen to be staring in my general direction." Killua said, making Katsuki roll his eyes.

"Fuck off I said," Silence fell between the two once more, with Katsuki staring in front of him while Killua continued to look through the window. "This Wing guy. Why are we traveling to him again? Couldn't he meet us in the middle?"

Killua shook his head.

"I don't think Wing travels all that much. His home is in Yorknew, and he still has Zushi as his student. Don't worry, as soon as he tells you you won't be able to use Nen, we'll head right back and you can just stand outside of the game, looking pretty." Killua teased, causing Katsuki to glare at him.

"Haha. Very funny. Bet you won't be saying that when I can kick your ass after I handle this Nen shit."

"Sure old man, I'll take on that bet." Killua grinned, his eyes gleaming with mischief.

"I'm not fucking old, asshole, I'm 26."

* * *

When they got to the house they were searching for, Killua knocked on the door.

"Hey, Wing! You home?" He shouted and Katsuki swatted his head. "Ow!"

"Has anyone taught you manners? You don't go shouting at people's homes." Katsuki said. Killua glared at him.

"As if you're any better." Just then the door open, revealing a man with an untucked shirt and glasses. Katsuki grimaced, suddenly feeling the urge to tuck the man's shirt in. It's a bit of hypocrisy, seeing how Katsuki never tucked in his uniforms when he was still in school, but because Katsuki had became a professional, he knows any sloppy look he wears is going to come back and bite him on the ass, with his mother hounding him for it.

"Wing!"

"Greetings, Killua and....who is this? A new friend?" Wing asked, looking at Katsuki.

"Kind of. He's helping with a mission that I'm currently in, but there's a problem." Killua said. Wing blinked.

"Oh?"

"He needs to learn Nen. I know you said you don't teach anyone, but it's really important for him to learn if he wants to continue working with me." Killua said, and Katsuki glared at him.

"Oi, don't make it sound like I'm an inconvenience for you!" He shouted. Killua glared at him.

"First - you just yelled at me. Hypocrite. Second, you are an inconvenience seeing how you don't know anything about Nen." He said. Before the two could argue even more, Wing interrupted them.

"You don't know Nen?" Katsuki shook his head.

"Only from what that old man told me."

"Old man?" Wing asked, blinking.

"Tsezgerra is what he meant," Killua informed him. "But yeah, he needs to learn Nen. That is, if he _can_."

"Hmm," Ignoring the two before him banter, he looked at Katsuki.

 _Well, he has potential, just like Killua and Gon,_ he thought. _His aura is incredible, even if he doesn't recognize it. In fact, it's safe to assume his Nen ability is on par with Gon's which means I might have another Gon/Killua situation on my hand._ Wing wasn't exactly sure how he'd felt about that. On one hand, Gon and Killua were the finest students he ever taught, even if he didn't teach them everything there is to know about Nen. It had been both amazing and terrifying to see how their potential had grown in just a span of weeks, since they were on a time crunch.

Wing figures the same might be said with Katsuki.

The other...could he really teach someone with the same potential as Gon again? He never regrets teaching the two boys Nen. Without it, they would've been dead even before Wing had gotten to them. But after certain events had happened, that had caused Gon and Killua to be the way they are now, he wasn't exactly sure if he could deal with the stress again. He doesn't want to make the same mistake he had made with them.

 _But Katsuki is alone,_ Wing thought. _And Killua probably has changed since then. I'm sure it would be fine. But just in case-_

"I would gladly teach you Nen," Wing said. "But...you have to promise me you'll look out for each other. No doing things that might get you killed."

At that, the two looked sheepish.

"Yeah....about that..." Katsuki started. Wing could only stare at them in pure disbelief, wanting it to be a joke. When neither looked like they were ready to tell Wing anything, but their resolve was in their eyes, he sighed. _Figures. This is what you made Killua do, Gon,_ He looked at Katsuki. _Though, I wonder what his story is._

"Killua is correct in saying that I don't teach Nen to just anyone," Katsuki open his mouth to protest, but Wing continued. "However, since there really is some potential in you and you two are about to head into a deadly situation I assume, it'd be best if I taught you the same way I taught Killua. Please come right in so we can get started."

As they walked into the house, Wing pulled Killua to the side.

"I just want to make sure you're alright. You can sense it too, yes? His potential." Wing said. Killua nodded.

"Yeah," He muttered. "Yeah, I get it. He reminds of you someone, right?"

"I just...don't want a repeat of the Chimera Ants thing." Wing said, looking down at the ground.

"Trust me, you aren't getting one."

     


	6. Chapter 6

"Now, before we begin, I don't think I've caught your name before Mr...?"

"Katsuki," Katsuki said. "Bakugou Katsuki."

"Right, Bakugou Katsuki. Can you tell me if you ever encounter someone with Nen before? That is, to say, someone whose aura is so strong, you can't help but be attracted to it, be it because of a good thing or bad thing." Wing asked. Katsuki thought about it momentarily, before shaking his head.

"I really don't get what you mean. If you're talking about their presence-"

"Yes, that's actually what I mean. There is a feeling about them that you cannot describe, but you often find yourself thinking of the outcomes from meeting them." Wing nodded his head as Katsuki folded his arms, thinking.

"The closest thing would be All-Might." He said. Wing looked surprised just as Killua spoke up.

"All-who? What kind of name is that?"

Katsuki gritted his teeth and glared at the teenager.

"All-Might, one of the greatest heroes-"

"Japan has ever had," Wing finished, surprising both Katsuki and Killua with his knowledge. "Katsuki, what is it that you exactly do?"

"I'm a hero," Katsuki said, eyebrow twitching when he heard Killua snort from behind him. "Pro hero, actually. I think the name speaks for itself."

"What, you go around beating up bad guys in your tidy-whities like some kind of comic book character?" Killua said, and Katsuki immediately whirled around to snap at him.

"Shut the fuck up brat! Being a hero isn't all that's cracked up to be, you know!"

"Oh, I'm sure it's so much trouble keeping your 'alter ego' away from your everyday life. What, with the news reporters asking 'who is this man?' while defeating some no-name villains, and all the while, having some kind of Romeo and Juliet romance on the side, right?" Killua teased. Katsuki felt his palms getting sweaty as his eyes narrowed even further onto the kid.

"Keep it up, and I'll blast your ass all the way to Mars."

"With what kind of superpower? Explosions?"

Killua was startled when he heard a sudden popping noise coming from Katsuki's hands, blinking as the blond's infamously mananic grin appeared on his face.

"Yes, in fact, I _do_ have explosions for superpowers. Now, what about that trip to Mars?"

"Killua," Wing interrupted, causing the two to look at him. "What Katsuki is saying...isn't entirely far-fetch as it seems to be. Even more so, what you just describe a hero's life is, is almost on point." At that Killua's eyes went wide. "I do not know much about the whole romance thing or even if secret identities exist, but fighting crime and villains? That's exactly what heroes do. And, I am not sure how much you know about stuff like this, but heroes do exist. Superpowers exist. Have you ever heard of the word Quirk before today, Killua?"

"Not since Katsuki brought it up the first time. He figures that the person we're hunting has that ability to bypass things that you would normally need Nen for." Killua said. Wing nodded.

"To put it simply: Quirks are superpowers that works similarly like Nen - only, Quirks are physical and often can been seen without the usage of Nen, depending on the type of Quirk someone has," Wing said. "There was a record where the first ever Quirk to appear happened in Japan, as a baby who glowed too bright to be considered normal. Eventually, Quirks started to appear all around the world, making up for 85% of the population. Soon, Quirks became the norm and people have gotten use to others having special abilities. As with almost anything that deals with the side of good and bad, some people use their Quirks in a more destructive nature, and taken advantaged of those without a Quirk, thus villains were born. This, in turn, caused other people to stand up and do what others can't - making them the heroes."

"Kind of like Nen - it's all about how you use it." Killua commented, and Wing nodded.

"Exactly. Some Quirks are helpful, powerful even, and can be considered good. But a person wielding a strong Quirk could also use it for bad things - like petty crimes or-"

"Or kill." Katsuki stated, interrupting Wing. He and Killua looked at the blond in the chair, seeing the seldom look on his face. Killua was curious. _Probably bad experiences._ He thought.

"Right. To kill. It really depends on the user." Wing looked back at Katsuki. "Katsuki, you said you are a pro hero. What number are you?"

"Two. The name's Ground Zero." At that, Wing whistled, looking quite impressed.

"Number Two, huh? That's pretty impressive. You must've worked hard for that."

"It's not exactly what I was aiming for, but you know, I'll take what I can get." Katsuki shrugged.

"Anyway, working in that field, I am not surprised at all that All-Might came up. You could've chosen anyone, and all of them would be correct. That's because, as a hero, you must give off that aura that demands attention, respect, and possible comfort. Of course, this works the same with villains too - the stronger, the more their auras demand to be seen." Wing said. "Nen is your aura, your life energy. It surrounds you in a thinly suppress coat that protects you from other Nen users who might be hostile. Everyone and everything has Nen, but not everyone can use it and typically, overtime, your aura can change or even diminish if allowed. That's why only a few has become what is known in our world Hunters. I don't suppose I need to tell you what Hunters do, given the name, correct?"

"I'm assuming you people do jobs people without Nen can't do, right?" Katsuki said. "Not only that, but typically, Hunters have a goal that they set their mind to. Pretty much would travel the world for it, as long as they have the determination and skills."

"That is correct," Wing said, smiling. _Just like Killua,_ he thought. _He catches on pretty fast._ "It goes without saying that in order for one to become a Hunter, one must sacrifice something in return. With most Hunters, they travel everywhere and only staying with their friends and family for a couple of seconds before heading off to their journey. In other words-"

"Hunters are selfish." Killua stated, though Katsuki could hear a tinge of bitterness in his voice, piping Katsuki's interest. _Something personal, then._ He thought.

"I'm just assuming because you're a Pro Hero, you have no desire to become a Pro Hunter, like Killua here." Wing said. Katsuki nodded.

"Correct. I'm only here because I believe there is a villain in a place called Green Island. But Killua said that in order to get to it, I need the use of Nen, so," Katsuki looked at Wing right in the eye, a fierce look sparkling in his own, ruby-reds. "I'll use whatever method you have for me in order to go there. Just tell me what I have to do."

Wing looked at him, stunned, but only briefly. He looked over at Killua, but he wasn't paying attention to them anymore, finding interest outside the window.

 _This brings back so many memories,_ Wing thought. _Back when they first came to me about Nen, with both of them being desperate enough to learn it faster than the natural process. I wonder how Killua is holding up._ He looked back at Katsuki.

"As I've told Killua when he and his friend were young, there are two methods of awakening Nen: One is the deliberate way, in which awakening comes natural, after working and training hard. One of my students, Zushi had learn to awaken his Nen like this and it only took him six months to do so."

"That's-"

"Too long, I know. Killua and Gon had said the same thing when I told them," Wing said, smiling. "The other: The aggressive way, in which I will send some of my Nen into your body, shocking you awake. As I've warned them, this method is perilous and is frowned upon the Hunter's Society. You could die, if the person using this method was weak or evil."

"Is it bad to say that I trust you, then? Because to be honest, you don't look like the type." Katsuki said, surprising Wing and Killua, who had turned around slightly, listening to Katsuki. "Don't take it personal, but if you taught Killua and this Gon person how to use Nen, then you're obviously strong too. But you're also very kind. In a way, you remind me of someone."

_You remind me of Aizawa, if he was bit nicer and didn't pretend he hated our guts._

Thinking back on his teacher made Katsuki smile, but not really noticeable. Even though he complained a lot about his students and their behavior and almost always had a 'I'm SO done with this shit' look on his face, deep down, Katsuki knew he cared about him and the rest of the former students in UA.

Killua had saw the smile, but didn't call the blond out for it. The look of reminisce...it pulled on Killua's heart strings and the white haired teen looked away. 

"Well, that's reassuring, thank you, Katsuki." Wing said, smiling at Katsuki, who nodded in acknowledgement. "Now then, I think I've said my piece. Katsuki, would you mind taking off your jacket, walk towards me backwards so then I can awaken you?"

Katsuki nodded, standing up and unzipping his jacket, revealing his familiar black tank-top, and began walking towards Wing, who stood with his hand reached out.

"Now then," Wing started. "I am going to press my Nen into your body. It's going to sting a little, but do not be afraid. If you really are as quick as Killua and Gon, you will surpass this too."

And with that, Wing started to focus his Nen into his hand, one hovering over Katsuki's shoulder. Almost immediately, Katsuki tensed, but he forced his body to remain calm, eyes wide.

 _Holy shit,_ he thought. _There is so much pressure behind my back. He's not even touching me, but I can feel the heat of this Nen crap._ Katsuki struggled to stay calm as more and more pressure was added, a drop of sweat running down his face. _Fuck, it's tense, but I can do this! I know I can. I've faced harder battles than this._

Meanwhile, Killua watched, searching for anything that might clue him in that this was all too much for Katsuki.

 _I wonder if this is how it looks like when Gon and I did it._ Killua thought.

"Now then," Wing said, amplifying his Nen. "Let's begin."

And just like that, Katsuki felt overwhelmed with the heat and pressure of his Nen.

He screamed.      


	7. Chapter 7

Good news: He didn't die.

Mentally, Katsuki let out a breath of relief at him being in one piece instead of blood splattered everywhere, his body disintegrated. Instead, he felt warm all over, and when he open his eyes, he noticed a smoky white cloud surrounding him.

"W-What the hell?"

"That," Wing started. "Is your Nen. I have awaken every micropyles in your body, so you should be able to see Nen now." Suddenly, there was same smoky white cloud around Wing too, though less dense than Katsuki's own. "Well? Can you see my Nen?"

Katsuki nodded. "Yeah."

"Excellent. That means we have to get started on working on your Ten - your defense when Nen is being used. But first,"

"First, your aura is over pouring," Killua interrupted, walking away from the window and towards them. "If it continues, you might faint from the over exhaust use of your Nen."

"Kind of like when you have an open wound on your body, then." Katsuki nodded his head in understanding. "How do I stop it?"

"Concentrate on keeping the aura within your body," Wing said. "Close your eyes and imagine your aura as blood inside your body and how it flows. You're allowed to use any stance that will help you focus."

Naturally, because Katsuki is standing, he simply stood upright and closed his eyes, visualizing his aura in his mind.

"And now imaging that flow being ebb and hovering around your body."

Katsuki did just that, and slowly, as he continued to concentrate, his aura began to shift. It began to get smaller and smaller, more define, until eventually, it surrounded Katsuki's frame like a warm hug. Wing couldn't help but smile; not for the second time was he truly amused at another's natural talent at learning and manipulating Nen. Statistically speaking, with Katsuki being older, it should've been harder for him to control his Nen the exact way Gon and Killua had, but the blond had single-handedly proven that sometimes, age is just number.

 _Not to mention hero work,_ Wing thought. _He must've trained hard to get where he is today. In a field so demanding, I really shouldn't be surprised at Katsuki's progress with something he has yet to learn._ A small smile came across his face. _Though, I wonder if...that single-minded determination plays a role in it too. And if so, then I really wish I could keep an eye out for these two._ He looked over at Killua, who continued to stare at Katsuki with a neutral look on his face. _Single-minded determination is what caused Killua and Gon to have a fallout like they did in the first place._

Meanwhile, Killua continued with his poker face, but inside, he was seething.

 _I hate him,_ he thought. _I hate everything about him. Why am I always attracted to the selfish kind? What is it about them that makes them stand out so much? Sure, he doesn't have Gon's shiny personality, but that's not what's happening here._ Killua gritted his teeth and forced himself to look out the window. _He's determined. He's not going to listen to a word I say. Resolve was already written on his face about time we met. Nothing's going to get through to him._ His eyes soften and his hands fell limp on the side, feeling like he was already defeated. _I wonder how much crap I have to put up with just for his sake._

Meanwhile, Katsuki could barely keep his thoughts together. There was something wrong with Killua, he knew that by the way the aura around him felt, and while two were obviously stand-offish with each other, he still wanted to _know._ Brat or not, they were going to work together. They knew what they had signed up for when both of them had taken a job. Katsuki may not be the partner for everyone, but with enough times of partnering up with Deku under his belt, he's pretty sure he could handle a kid.

A kid that, in a way, reminded him of Deku himself.

 _Minus the green and the crybaby attitude,_ Katsuki mused, finding himself smiling a bit. _I want to hate him for reminding me of him. But I can't find myself to care enough, or have the strength to. I think I've stopped hating him ever since that big fight we had back in UA._ He opened his eyes. _Misunderstandings and assumptions is what caused us to fell apart. We could've had a better relationship had we just talked. Or rather, if I hadn't been a complete ass and stopped being his friend when it was revealed Deku was Quirkless._ He slowly looked over at Killua. _I'm not making that same mistake again._

He had open his mouth to say something, but stopped in his tracks, completely frozen.

Killua....looked so _sad_. There was a hint of vulnerability in his eyes that Katsuki had never seen before, a tiny frown that was on his face - not the type of frown that told Katsuki he was displeased like the first time he and Killua had met - shoulders slump, and just look so....lonely.

Suddenly, the flashbacks began.

Instead of white hair, it was green. Instead of blue, cat-like eyes, they were round, taking up his freckled face, and green, wet in the corner. The frown was wobbling, and he looked absolutely _terrified._ He was saying something, curling in on himself as Katsuki grew closer, the sound of mock laughter echoing around him and...and...

"-Suki? Katsuki!"

Katsuki blinked, looking over at Wing, who looked concern. "Are you alright?"

"I..." He paused, feeling Killua's eyes on him. He swallowed and nodded his head. "I'm fine. Just a bit tired."

"Well, we can't stop now," Killua said, glaring at Katsuki. "We have a mission to do!"

"Killua-"

"No, he's right. I'll be fine." Katsuki shook his head. "Trust me. I'll be fine."

"If you're sure..."

"On second thought, no, it'll be better if he got some rest." Killua said, startling Wing and Katsuki, who had an annoyed frown on his face.

"But you just said-"

"I changed my mind. You not resting will only slow us down. We can pick up the other stuff tomorrow." Killua said, and left the room before anyone could say anything else. The two adults watched him go.

"You'll have to forgive him. He's been through a lot, after learning Nen."

"Was it because of Gon?" Katsuki asked, startling Wing. The teacher looked at the blond boy with a frown on his face, which Katsuki gave a bitter, smile to. "Trust me. He's not the only one who has, or at least, had someone important in their life taken away."

"I wouldn't say 'taken away'." Wing argued.

"But he's not here, is he? Not with Killua," Katsuki's smile widen. "Trust me. _I get it._ "

"Did something happen to your person too?"

"Yeah, something happened. While I'm not entirely sure about their situation just yet, just know it couldn't have been worse than mine - I, personally, fucked up with my important person."

* * *

Later on that night, Katsuki had found Killua leaning against the wall outside of Wing's home, looking at the sky. For a while, the two didn't acknowledge each other, but were still aware of each other's presence. It was then, after two minutes of straight silence, Killua spoke.

"Just so you know, if you do anything that's going to endanger us both, aside from the mission itself, I'm not risking my neck for you. You'll have to find your own way out."

Katsuki nodded his head.

"That...sounds fair. That's the reason why I started this whole thing, anyway," At that Killua looked over at Katsuki. "There's a part of me that's just so tired. Tired of being a huge fuck-up, of getting people hurt, my actions having severe consequences behind them. Just...really, really, tired."

Killua blinked, before looking back at the sky.

"Yeah," He said. "Yeah, I feel the same too. Tired."

 _Just so sick of being me._         


End file.
